About Birthdays and Control Issues

“Nature does not hurry; and yet, everything is accomplished.” – Lao Tsu

Nature’s good that way. I’m, like, not quite as good that way. Today is my birthday and in regards to hurrying, if you’d asked me 5 years ago or 1 year ago or 6 months ago or even as recently as 2 months ago, I’d tell you about all these things I needed to have done and accomplished by the time this birthday came. Things that, to me, as birthday goals do to a lot of people, were a picture of my worth and my value as a person. I’m supposed to have x, y and z does by x age in order to be an acceptable human being. Therefore, the equation looks like this:

x+y+z = bullshit.

And while I’ve never, ever been good at math, in fact I’m way less than not good at it, I do know that my equation above is correct. Because it’s backed by science. I mean science may not be exactly the right term, but regardless, it’s backed. If not by science, then by life. It’s backed by life. Because out of all the things on my list to accomplish and have done by this birthday, here is a detailed account of how many of them I’ve completed: zero.

Which was scary as fuck on first realization. BUT thank God (or the Universe or Buddha or Michael Jackson or whatever you believe in) I’ve somehow been graced with a peace of knowing the things that were on my list are happening the way nature intended them to happen, not the way I intended them to happen. But happening is happening, whether it’s on my timeline (yeah, that timeline I have no control over, that’s the one) or not.

Also worth noting, when I remind myself that nature and the Universe and God and Buddha all know shit and work off of a timeline that I’m not privy to, I realize I’m worth releasing that burden. Becayse my peace and serenity and non-anxietyness are priceless.

And, the best birthday gift, like, ever.

Wanna share?

1 comment on “About Birthdays and Control Issues”

  1. Catacosmosis Reply

    This makes alllllll the sense to me. My equation looks exactly the same. I turned 38 about a month ago, and had this same sort of conversation with myself except mine went more like, “you already did all the things you wanted to do, accomplished the goals you had set for yourself, when you were in your 20s. By your 30th you’d lost it because of your health and were disabled – which you did to yourself – so you weren’t LIVING it but you had accomplished it, nonetheless. Now you got stuck with this life you didn’t want and didn’t ask for, and it feels like your life is over.” I don’t know how to put that into words but it’s definitely a good prompt for me to write and to find a new, better perspective on. Thank you for that. I discovered your Instagram through a tag search and I can’t tell you how much your openness has inspired me, even if it doesn’t sound like from my own writing. A step forward is a step forward, even if it’s only a mental step.

Speak up. I hear you.